I've been out of the school phase much too long. The idea of learning something new excites me, the actual learning part... drains me. It's going to be a hard road ahead if I can't get my priorities straight. I just need to jump back on the saddle and continue to do good, so failure will dwindle down into a piece of dust on my shoulder. The fear will never fully go away. I've had too many fuck ups to be completely confident. But, not being fully confident will help keep me grounded, and not become full of myself. Good plan in theory, right?
Studying to become a cop is...interesting. Right now I'm just taking an online class, but it teaches me the Officer Lingo and a lot of detailed situations I could get stuck in. It also informs me on what I should do, and what I shouldn't do, while giving me the beef on the court system. Oh, and I'm so tired of reading the word "lawful" and the phrase "criminal evidence."
I've printed out an application for the police squad here in the county I'm living in, but I haven't turned it in. I guess I'm a little jittery and nervous about what I think they'll think of me. "Oh, some hot-shot vally girl comin' in here. Thinks she has what it takes? HA! Not a chance..." Or something like that. You know, the usual perception a man has on a woman who's trying to do "men's work."
I plan on turning it in on Monday morning. Please wish me luck. I hope all this extra work pulls off... I haven't been this passionate about something like this since... well, ever, really.
